America the Beautiful

"American history is longer, larger, more various, more beautiful, and more terrible than anything anyone has ever said about it." -James Baldwin

"I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually." -James Baldwin

These quotes were given to me at a good time, having just finished a project researching the complex issues of gentrification and segregation affecting D.C. I have seen the beauty of my capital city and the terrible failures of my capital city during my four months here. I realize now, more than before, how lucky and privileged I am to have grown up in Orange County, with a supportive family, attending private school and university. And I have come to truly appreciate being an American by fully recognizing the rights I am entitled to, not only feeling guilty by my status or by my nation's violent history. 

I believe America has a beautiful and terrible history marked by patriotism, democracy, oppression, and inequality. We are the first to defend human rights abroad, but ignore injustice in our own country. We offer opportunity, but only if you look a certain way. We rejoice in our powerful army, and forget to use our words to solve problems. And I believe that too often America gets painted only as "the land of the free" and is regarded as the most beautiful country without acknowledging the terrible.

I voted for the first time this year. It was the first time I knew not only the names of the major candidates, but could discuss their political stances. I watched all of the nomination speeches and debates. And I streamed anything available to watch the results of election night in Costa Rica. I actually felt powerful as a voter, because I was able to vote for a man who would protect the rights of the most vulnerable in my country and in the developing countries of the world. It was exciting to listen to the excitement of my international classmates cheer for Obama's re-election. I find that I feel overwhelmingly proud or overwhelmingly guilty by my American nationality. I am in an extremely important position to create change in the world, but who am I to be born in the United States?

Really, I feel that America has the potential to be truly beautiful, if it didn't perpetuate terrible actions, beliefs, oppressions, and hypocrisy. I believe it is the most influential country in the world, but it needs to take responsibility for its influence and create positive change in the world without worrying about image or allies or saving face. I'm waiting, America.